froggone forlorn

where do you think we went wrong?

I lie in my bed, masturbating to my own death. the final kaboom in everyones face, the inky lines in the newspaper/ the wrath of the weather the pain the ankles linked and all falling down, all in one big kabhooshwhooshbhooshshh.

the lists don't make sense in the end. I want to feel this pain, life is feeling one pain to another? then where does the rest fit in? what am i leeving for? unless this is time, the time, for me to stop and forget.

the lists are going to be thrown away. i have decided. now you must go and fly into my earlobes. out of my skin, stretching, pulling, pushin g.

the pills. they are done for. she asked me what was wrong, promised to spend time with me.

I will be free! The thought is terrifying. "now who are these people? is he really more important than me??"

no nothing ever is more / disgusting / than
the thought that I might have to live like that
hypocrite!
your slithy toves
glimmer above
my head, a slap, a slap !
a midnight car chase;
it all happened, i was there (no you weren't i was wasn't was. not. yet.)
we go back, a long way.

we go back and if I could go
back
I would run.

but then I wasn't ever given much of a choice was I?

its this, your love? Is this it? I know I am here, you feed me clothe me, my whizzing brain can't look beyond your ridiculous arguments, but that's only because I'm rusty, born rusty- more slow than what you kno.w

another boy, another bore.crying? that's annoying.


now I feel blood itching to be spilt- wanting needing feeling this urge to coagulate under smoky skies


I alone?
I am alone. You would leave me? In the dark, on this stage? my faithful commander is alone, in his head. His eyes fixed on a distant star, teeth clenched in a grimace. lips curl to smile but I see the blood from his gums. from his lips. from the clenching, unclenching, biting pushing shoving.

how doe I knoe you ? howe doe I care?

How inconsistant can you be?

I'm ill. mediclaiming lies medicalamitous alibis

this is all I have left, throwing them into the atmosphere thinking of them hurtling towards you

(and I see giant black thirdworld letters bonking you on your head; elegant, so suave, all those clothes that I cried over, as I watched you try them out hanging off your perfect frame.)

I know no other! is this love, then? here? in this recapturing of smooth skin. soft bristles. dead toes and the smell. the rain. water on our back. mirrors, yellow light, to and fro fro to fro to back here there come.

don't leave!

(but you must!)